ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
