so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
