Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
