I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
