Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
