Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
