Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
