I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
