You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
