I think I am morally bankrupt
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
