My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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