All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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