Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
