u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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