just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
