i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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