I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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