What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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