I heard we made out
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
