The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
