don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
