.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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