There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize