i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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