captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
