I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
