The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize