They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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