Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
