tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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