If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
