I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
