if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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