my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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