I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
