Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
