If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
