Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
