so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
