You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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