This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
