Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
