"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
