Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
