first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
