you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
