I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
