I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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