Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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