I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
