it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Green mimosas i think yes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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