He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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