He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
