yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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