what day is it and did you see me today?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
