How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
