Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
