I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
