You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
