my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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