1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Someone signed my nipple.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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