ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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