We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
