Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
