so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
