your parents love me but you hate me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
