Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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