3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have aggressive nipples.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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