That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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