I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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