8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
