so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
