Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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